Identity theft, sanity theft, ...or both?

I went down to my credit union this afternoon to activate my ATM card and open a checking account to go with the savings. As part of the process to approve someone for a checking account, they get a report from ChexSystems. This is sort of like a credit report but has more info on day-to-day stuff like checking accounts.
I got rejected because something had been unpaid?!?!?!
She also pulled my regular credit report and found I have a higher than average score.
I have copies of both. The Equifax report all looks like my info. Nothing weird on my charge statements either.
The ChexSystems report has my social belonging to Michael J. Dell of Danielson, Connecticut. Last I checked, I am not a guy. And I have not had a Bank of Boston account closed for 'account abuse.' They had to write off all of $33.00 in 2003 but they made sure to report it!
There is an 800 number at the bottom of the report 'for specific questions about the results.' I called.
I got a message that all calls could be monitored yada-yada... She sounded Indian but I could understand her pretty well. Then the call was picked up by the next available representative. A little tougher to understand. I'm thinking the whole place is overseas. He asks for some sort of account ID or something. I had to ask him to repeat himself to make it out. Apparently that is the phone number for the member businesses to call. He says I have to call a different phone #. I write it down and dial.
Phone mail H*LL. I had 3 options for ways to request a report and 1 option if I was calling on behalf of someone else. I try pressing 0 but that is not a valid option, please try again. I tried the 4th option and got a recording about all the info they would need if I wanted to discuss someone else's records. And it sent me back to the main menu. The other 3 options are just recordings on how to go about getting a report.
Back into the credit union. They did not believe me but then remembered there was supposed to be another sheet with contact info. Couldn't find it, call the main branch to have it faxed. It finally comes through. Same phone number.
They tried it. Yup, phone mail H*LL.
She tried the yellow pages and Google. Hard to find much of anything on this company but then did manage to come up with a page with the same phone number. Again.
They agree it's not good to be relying on a company their customers can't contact.
They suggest contacting Bank of Boston since they are the ones who reported it and would have to request the correction/removal.
Come home, eat dinner, and get back to it...
I try some more online searching. They are part of eFunds and investigativeproffesionals.com but still no contact info for us 'little people.' If I were a potential business customer, maybe.
Then I try searching for Bank of Boston. I barely remember that they had been bought out/merged a couple of times. I figure the 'net should help. Right. I kind of piece together that they are now part of Bank of America. I call the contact phone # for the Connecticut area. 26 minutes, primarily on hold, but some time trying to explain this to a customer service rep who did not give the best of impressions of the company. And then I get 'disconnected.'
I have my UConn Alumni Association credit card that is now serviced by Bank of America (that whole buy and merge thing again). Pull some of their paperwork and try that phone number. I figure it's probably not the right department but they should be able to direct me. Right. Again.
She did try to help a little but she only has access to current credit card customers. No signs of a Michael J. Dell. And the only thing they show under my social is my UConn card. She transfers me. More hold time. Explain it all again. Still wrong department and no help. Tranfer again. Explain yet again. All anyone can manage to tell me is to contact the main 3 credit reporting agencies. It's not on those! And it came from Bank of Boston (a.k.a. Bank of America). This one tries to tell me they can't access this type of info anymore as it's all been archived and she's never had to do that much work, etc.
Somehow I think this info should be (and probably is) accessible for when Mr. Dell walks back in the door and they have to decide whether to grant him credit and such.
I asked repeatedly who I needed to talk to since she wasn't in the right department either. Transfer again.
This time it was just back to the main menu of phone system H*LL.
Back to square one. Again. Thank you so much for all the help Bank of America!!!
I don't think there's any identity theft as it goes back to 2003 and this is the first it has shown up. It's also not on the main credit reports. But still, it's not right and should be fixed.
How do I prove to them that I am not a man from Danielson Connecticut who abused his Bank of boston account?!?!?